In my next essay, use more text evidence, and relate back to the story more.
Next time I free write, write a fictional story.
Use 3 words from the class list on moodle in each piece.
In my next piece correctly use a semicolon.
Next time I write, try to write something other than a poem.
Friday, February 5, 2010
LEAVES!
Author's Note: I was remembering back to when I was little, andwhen we could spend hours just jumping in leaves, and how pretty everything is. I feel like we always forget.
Overall, I loved this whole entire poem! But this is probably just me, but the background was a little distracting because I was like, "LEAVES!" while I was in the middle of reading it so yeah. That wasn't really any help but I'm serious, I really liked it and like Natalie said, I could totally see you saying that too!
I absolutely loved the poem, especially the part where you capitalize MY to stress the feeling of being home, where we rule and can exercise freedom. I agree that the end seemed out of place. I would recommend that you let yourself go to that happy place where in your mind you are enjoying the leaves, and see where you want that scene to take the reader. Is there a larger thought you want me to take from the scene? Is there a simple beauty you want me to enjoy? Decide what that final thought you want me to hold in my head is, just like a conclusion in an essay, and let the final image place that though there for me.
I loved this poem, Erin. I think that you ave a real gift for poetry. :) I loved the way you repetized. This poem gave me alot of ideas on how to make mine better. thanks!
That's cool. I like how you used repitition in it. I can totally picture you saying this too, "rake some up, JUMP" hahaha. good job erin:)
ReplyDeleteI love the repetition,and the way it flowed. but the last part was a little confusing. I enjoyed it!!!
ReplyDeleteOverall, I loved this whole entire poem! But this is probably just me, but the background was a little distracting because I was like, "LEAVES!" while I was in the middle of reading it so yeah. That wasn't really any help but I'm serious, I really liked it and like Natalie said, I could totally see you saying that too!
ReplyDeleteI absolutely loved the poem, especially the part where you capitalize MY to stress the feeling of being home, where we rule and can exercise freedom. I agree that the end seemed out of place. I would recommend that you let yourself go to that happy place where in your mind you are enjoying the leaves, and see where you want that scene to take the reader. Is there a larger thought you want me to take from the scene? Is there a simple beauty you want me to enjoy? Decide what that final thought you want me to hold in my head is, just like a conclusion in an essay, and let the final image place that though there for me.
ReplyDeleteThat was a great poem. It made me think of being a little kid again. It easily connected to the reader reminding them of their past. Good job.
ReplyDeleteYou still are a little kid Collin.
ReplyDeleteI loved this poem, Erin. I think that you ave a real gift for poetry. :) I loved the way you repetized. This poem gave me alot of ideas on how to make mine better. thanks!
ReplyDelete