Black or brown
Framing your eye when,
Looking into the world.
Closing the final space
When looking into yourself.
When looking into yourself.
All together, in a row
Curling around, at the tips
Protecting
Your final barrier between.
Always there
Always seen
But not noticed
Sometimes covered over
To seem bolder, deeper
The fakeness running down your face
To go back, and are left with
The plain beginning you
Resting on your cheek
Again unnoticed by you
A friend picks it up,
Lets you blow it away
As a wish
Hoping to come true
This is a seriously good poem. tyhe fact that you started out with a topic seemingly random, and turned your hand to real ideas, notions that you drew from that otherwise shallow topic is impressive. You have a talent for poetry. I love especially how you end lines like the tsecond and third stanzas. The technique is way cool. Did your spacing get messed up by inserting a large picture? If so, I would say your text is far more important than a picture, and to not sacrifice the integrity of your written word to accomodate some viual aid.
ReplyDeleteThis is really cool! Like Mr. Johnson said, I love the idea of taking a random topic and turning it into something meaningful with a lot of good points. The vocabulary and phrasing was really neat. Nice job, Erin!
ReplyDeleteThis totally describes our little group of friends. This poem was literally amazing. I loved the whole thing. Like you said in the author's note, it was very deep and has a lot of feeling, and it really touched me inside. Great job
ReplyDeleteThis is a really good poem! Like the others said, I like how you took a random thing and turned it into something deeper. Good job Erin!
ReplyDeleteAs everyone has said, the idea of turning something random into something deeper is really awesome. This poem was very good and something I enjoyed very much. This poem flowed together well, and as Mr. Johnson said, I liked how you set up the poem with the stanzas in a pattern. Very cool and great writing!
ReplyDelete